The only three words I can use are "practice, practice, practice."
It is wonderful to be with my spiritual family here in North Hollywood, while dancing and singing and speaking our spiritual truths. It is another matter to go out and live it, even for just four days. Many times I asked myself, "Can I stay in Principle in this situation? And this? And this? Can I see God here and here and here..."
No experience was that dramatic. I'm talking about small things, like flu consciousness, talk of aging, an ex-husband, and old friends who have taken diverse paths, running the marathon, itself, etc...
On the heels of my talk last week called "You May Close Your History Books, Now!" I was to practice what I preached. I took my new notebook with me and wrote on the first page, "I know nothing!"
Here's what I learned:
- I am strong in the area of health consciousness. I found myself to be a stranger in a strange world. The screams of "Flu, flu!" rang on my deaf ears. I passed through that veil. I am so aware of how children pick up the consciousness of the adults around them. While spending two days with my 5 year old granddaughter, I was able to let her know how healthy she was with every breath and cough she made. By the 2nd day, she was better and telling her parents so.
- My marathon was an life-goal and accomplishment. I won't say it was easy. I liken it to having a child and then, well, you wouldn't want to do that for a while. I finished at 10.08/minutes per mile. This was better than I anticipated. I will be on my early morning run tomorrow. I am a jogger for life!
- I have closed the book of my 27 year marriage without any expectation of being on speaking terms with my ex-husband unless he decides to open his mouth. It's okay. I have given it enough energy. I am done with love.
- Living moment to moment is uncomfortable sometimes. I believe that the reason I do not stay in the present is because I don't want to stay with that uncomfortableness, whether it is turbulence on an airplane, a negative person babbling on next to me while I run, a conversation that is foreign to me. I came to understand that if I find myself in a situation that is uncomfortable and I want to escape to the future, I just need to take a deep breath, know I put myself in this moment for a reason, ask what it is I still need to learn, and find the good. It might not be revealed to me right away, either. Be patient. Stay open. Stay present, Rita.
- I learned that there is still a part of me that feels she is not deserving. However, the day of the marathon when I realized that goal, I knew that I was more than enough for anything.
with love,
Rita
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